The Art of Being

Have you ever wondered why you fall out of that wonderful meditative state you wake up to so quickly?

For one thing, in a woman’s world everything that happens is perceived to be equally important. So, ‘the milk is finished’ is right up there with ‘I have to get this contract signed today’ and ‘I have to call my parents’ with ‘I need to prepare my presentation for next week’. It is an equasion:

Woman’s world: all = equaly important

So it is no wonder I find it hard to stay in that relaxed, meditative state I wake up with in the morning. As soon as I get up, everything I encounter on my way down to my special place in the garden associates with at least a dozen other things, and invites me to speak or express.

This ranges from the stairs need sweeping, the mail sorting and the desk clearing to the sun is calling me to meditate, and I’d like to go bike riding; yes, a shower would be nice, tea, breakfast now or later? A passing car sends a song floating through the air…hmm dancing perhaps?

...can I pass without being distracted...

Hard to handle?

Do you recognize this? It seems so easy to get lost, doesn’t it… How do we handle this?

Well, it is useless to try and silence the mind. And equally useless to work (even) hard(er) to fit it all in. I’ve tried that for years, it doesn’t work.

What then? I’ll tell you my answer: I practice the Art of Being. Since I have adopted this, my world has changed dramatically. It might work for you too!

Now, before you say: but I don’t have time for another practice! RELAX!

Practicing the Art of Being tranformed my world

The Art of Being is done in NET: No Extra Time because it only requires AWARENESS. It boils down to an ancient message that is still very true today:

be totally present to whatever it is that you are doing

whether you are sweeping the stairs, sorting the mail sorting, clearing the desk, greeting the sun, riding your bike, shower, have a cup of tea and breakfast or dance! It sounds simple and it is. Simple, but not easy.

It takes time to relearn

For years on end we have granted our minds the liberty to wander off into future and past. The ultimate lack of awareness is arriving somewhere and not knowing how you got there; your body has gone through all the motions, your mind has been all over the place.

...we have granted our minds the liberty to wander...

Practicing the Art of Being means you strive for the opposite: total awareness – of every details of what you are doing there and then. In doing so you will eXperience how your body moves, how you feel  and most important: what your intuition is telling you.

...be totally present to whatever you do...

Being natural

And this fits women so well! Why? Because 4 out of 6 characteristics of the feminine energy are triggered:

SURRENDERING fully to what you are doing,
TRUSTING that it is the right thing for now,
following SPONTANIOUS impulses, and
EXPERIENCING the MOMENT.

And just wait until you feel the FREEDOM of that!  When you practice the Art of Being, you can’t be distracted unless you let yourself drop out of awareness.

eXperiencing, by Diana

Below a review by Diana, who won a Tarot Reading during my time as a MoonScout (published with permission)

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eXperiencing

If you shared what “experiencing” meant to you, you could win one of three gifts:

1) a Silk-meditation, for which Cheta uses soft silk from India;

2) a Tarot reading, focussed on your own problem solving capacities, and

3) an emMatrix session, in which where you eXperience your own balance.

Well, she knew which of those she wanted, that Silk meditation, that sounded delicious, even if she had no idea what a Silk meditation would actually incorporate.

Definitely no Tarot reading

What she did know, was that she preferred to see any Tarot Reading stay as far away from her as possible! No, her latest interactions with Tarot didn’t bring back any fond memories. However, fate stepped in, and on her 50th birthday she received the “good” news from Cheta, I can congratulate you twice Diana, first on your birthday and you have won a free Tarot Reading!

Trusting and Letting Go

She had about two weeks time to get used to the idea, and to let-go of her previous eXperiences with Tarot. Meanwhile, she felt more and more at ease around Cheta – who moves through Tilburg in a intriguing way – a way trusted Tilburg inhabitants could easily envy (which is unnecessary) – and in the end she could surrender herself completely to whatever was to come!

The day has come

After a spontaneous and warm welcome Cheta almost imperceptibly and very subtly shuffles the small deck of Tarot cards. Whether there is a question alive in her? Well no, not specifically, years ago she was full of questions, now it has almost become silent! What has been occupying her mind was this idea whether in future she could provide some extra income for herself through organising walks to the nearby Abbey, de Koningshoeve, walks she enjoyed herself tremendously time and time again.

The first card that Cheta turns is as surprising as the rest of them; they shed light on her life story now and the possibilities in the foreseeable future.

Surprised, amazed and light-hearted about all that is revealed, she listens intensively, the clock strikes twelve as the last card is displayed, she listens, her eyes glued to the cards, she understands and embraces Life, hér life!

The usual path, yet different

Joyfully and full of energy she says goodbye to Cheta with a heartfelt hug, on arriving home she grabs her backpack, puts on her walking shoes and sets off to discover the world, it is just her “usual path”, but it feels different.

Today she notices doors…. So very many different and beautiful doors. Her camera is working overtime, a girl jumps out in front of her, they both startle, but not for long, what a beautiful door this is, the girl looks, walks next to her and agrees, gosh, yes, we actually really have beautiful doors!

At the end of the street a feisty lady of around eighty is just as surprised, and again she is not, they talk about the doors, and about life, they soon will cycle over to the Abbey together she promises, yes, that would be nice ….

And so it is and this is what will happen.

Thanks Cheta, for this very special Tarot Life Experience.

All the Love, all the best. Diana

Light, Sound, Camera, Action!

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My windows can’t read the Mac DVD.. It’ll have to be a picture of the label for now then!

Cast Mirror of the Moon Goddess. Above: Fanny Embregts as Amanda, Liseth Horsten (music) and Cheta Urmila, below: Charles Waagenaar as Male Reflection and Pauline van Hoek as his female counterpart. Photo: Mariska Chardet, Amsterdam

This is it

The doors open. The room looks mysterious with the blue light on the mirror and a veiled moon in the background. The audience slowly take their seats. A late visitor leads to a small delay. As soon as he arrives, I give the sign to start. The lights go down… Liseth appears in the spotlight and embarks on the opening song.

Sudden uncertainty

In the moments after I have taken my place in the control room next to soundman Bas, a sudden shiver of uncertainty hits me: Did I structure it right? Will the public get the message? Will the storyline be clear enough? I take a deep breath and let go: it’s going to be exactly what it should be tonight!

It works!

Fanny steps on stage and the story of Amanda unfolds. At the first sound of laughter from the audience I feel my shoulders relax: it works! The eruption of emotions in scene four comes as a complete surprise and the audience roars with laughter. Charles, for whom this is his first ever performance, convinces as the male reflection, and entices during his monologue. Pauline is funny, seductive and radiant and Fanny elevates the play to a higher plane with extraordinary facial expressions and theatrical poses. There is a real spark in her interaction with Pauline, it’s a joy to watch. Liseth’s spotlight fades up for each song and she appears and disappears each time like a fairy. Her presence is powerful en feminine, her voice melodic and dynamic.

It’s the end scene already

The end scene – newly thrown in the day before – is worth studying, the audience applauds and I am running it over again in my mind. It takes a few seconds before I realize that the actors will invite me on stage in a minute – oops! – I grab my gift bag and run to the entrance-doors. In my rush I can’t get the bag to open, so I throw it on the floor somewhere. Fanny is already making her way over – gee it’s dark on these stairs ….

This is the moment

Out of the corner of my eye I can see that some people are standing. Wow, they do have their standing ovation, great! As soon as I step into onto the stage, the applause intensifies and the rest of the audience rises up as one. The penny drops … they were waiting for me! I fill exhilarated, make a bow, goose bumps run from head to toe …

I point towards the actors, towards the control room, the applause continues. I congratulate Liseth, Pauline, Charles and Fanny with their success. The audience continues to applaud. After another bow, Fanny and Pauline turn to leave the stage. Those girls – they are such a support, have been from the start!

Whirlwind

After that, the events roll on in quick succession: my best friend congratulates me; Zeus-with-camera demands an initial reaction; I suddenly tremble all over; left and right people stop to tell me what it has meant for them; Liseth is praised for her voice, Fanny for her great achievement; my parents and sister congratulate me and hand over a bottle of pink champagne; amidst all that a radio interview – I am enjoying myself tremendously.

Part of a bigger plan

An animated conversation springs up with Marian Smolders & assistants, like Zeus ambassadors for the arts for the town of Middelbeers. I leave them to go and find Zeus to make the formal introductions. Zeus then proudly calls his assistants: all MoonScouts present line up next to him. It feels like such an honour to stand with them and be part of this!

End of a special project

The doors close at 23:00. A final drink in the local cafe, then it’s over. A clear and bright crescent moon, high in the sky, guides us home. Deeply grateful I drift into sleep ..

My Silent Walk

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Cor Stehouwer, our guide, uses clear non-verbal communication to point out certain things to us: how wide the landscape is – listen to that woodpecker – smell the delicious air – try and taste this… Although I often walk in nature, his way of looking at it adds a different dimension. I am enjoying myself very much, feel happy and grateful.

The variety of landscape in this area called Kampina is huge; there are natural lakes, sand dunes, as well as a dark forest, a very old stream, and so on.

Trust and Surrender

Just how much my sensory perception has increased becomes clear when a distant humming sound appears. Agonizingly slowly is comes closer, yet the direction is untraceable. Anger rages through me. I let it be there. After a few moments is just disappears again. I follow the tiny plane above me with a smile. I do not have to get distracted, I can always choose how I react to something. Cor signals to take off my shoes and follow him. I hesitate. With my bare feet on the coarse grass, that takes some courage  hmmm… trust … surrender …

It turns out to be the best part of the hike.  Silently I stand up to my ankles in water. Here. NOW. We perform some Tai Chi movements, the energy rings in the air. Emotions come and go. In the distance a deer jumps out of the bushes. Wow ..

The world distorts

Deeply touched I walk on, slowly. It feels like my reality gets more and more distorted. I let myself fall behind to experience what is going on.

Slower, I want to move even slower…

When at the end of the walk Cor breaks the silence, it feels far too early. This evening could have lasted at least another three hours.

Nature’s Paint box

After saying our goodbyes we drive back to Tilburg. Mother Nature adds her comment to the eXperience by colouring the sky in the most beautiful shade of orange.

CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY IN IMAGES

Kick-off Month of eXperience

Last Friday, May 28th, the MoonScouts gathered in Kunstpodium T in Tilburg, NL, for a short ceremony under the full moon. Officially I am now the May MaanScout.

It inspired a poem and a song, both performed that evening.

Moonlight is still Sunlight
But reflected
A contrast with the Sun
But also a balance
Moonlight mirrors the essence
One side of the moon is in darkness
Hidden, out of sight
I dare you to search what’s there
And allow yourself surrender
Because between Magic and Mystery
Lay many things of splendour

Beauty and Women – Elpidha Efstratiades

Kunstpodium T in Tilburg recently featured the work of young Dutch artist Elpidha Efstratiades. I loved all it, yet was especially touched by this drawing. Just look at it for a moment.

Confusion

For me, this drawing symbolises THE moment of confusion for a young girl: something or someone ‘from outside’ decides that it is time to grow up. You are expected to behave differently, adapt to adult life, attend to your school assignments more serious, perform (more) household duties, etc. The emphasis of life shifts to the importance of good grades. Dressing up boxes are moved to the attic… no more time to play…

About Elpidha Efstratiades

The shift from childhood to womanhood is a returning theme for Elpidha.

“Elphida Efstratiades depicts in her work the ambivalence between beauty and women. The clichés about aesthetics and gender are inextricably part of the child women which she captures so extraordinarily. Her drawings hover between looking like a cartoon and being realistic, and show more detailed pieces next to simple clear lining. Pencil and plain carriers as paper and wood are chosen to concentrate on the images.” Elphida has been nominated for the Dutch Allianz Grafiekprijs 2010.

Elpidha’s website shows a collection of her work.

Thanks for your permission, Elpidha, I can’t wait to see more art like this from you in future!

Introducing MoonScout May 2010

Every month, from full moon to full moon, Tilburg Ambassador of the Arts Zeus Hoenderop invites one of thirteen women to support him. He calls them his Moon Scouts. Together they promote the arts, the city and their respective messages.

Last friday at Kunstpodium T – a local art studio and home of the ambassador – the baton was handed to Cheta Urmila.

Moon Scout May Cheta Urmila, number nine in the series, supports the ambassador from May 28^th till June 26^th. This moon’s theme  is “eXperiencing feminine energy”.

Cheta’s Discovery

Everyone has their own unique balance between masculine and feminine energy. In our western society  It is clearly noticeable that this balance has become disturbed. Many people seem only to be occupied with taking action, with working hard and making money. There is hardly any  time in our tight schedules to really enjoy something. We simply keep on running.

Many years ago, Cheta Urmila life looked like this as well and it destroyed her health. Searching for answers, she sold all her belongings and started out on a journey of discovery. Much to her surprise she stumbled upon a inner strength that allowed her to let go of her exaggerated need of control: the feminine energy. Cheta Urmila gladly invites women to enrich their lives in this manner too.

As soon as you say “feminine energy” though, you often end up in clichés and stereotypes, Cheta has found. ‘That is why femaleXperience is geared towards personal eXperience. We can talk for hours about how things will feel, you’ll only know once you have experienced it for yourself.’

Step in the World that is known as ‘eXperience’

Her own life has taught Cheta Urmila that ‘always taking action’ – a quality of the masculine energy – only goes so far. Cheta Urmila: ‘I hear lots of women complain about something missing from their lives. Usually they”ll say that there is no balance. With constant ‘acting and doing’ there seems to be no room for ‘being’ anymore.

The way back starts with eXperiencing your own core. That may sound like a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be: looking at your house or your neighbourhood as if you had just moved there yesterday for instance, already gives a new perspective’.

‘At first I refused to accept it’, Cheta Urmila explains. ‘I was afraid to lose my identity as an independent woman. Hence the control. What is so special about this is that I haven’t lost anything. On the contrary, I have gained so much! Sometimes I even feel like I am more independent than before. Working from my feminine core is more fun and also more fulfilling. I wish this for everyone!’

For men, her message is clear too: eXperience the beauty of a woman who is living from her core.

eXperience it yourself!

Cheta Urmila has decided to give away three “eXperiences” for free during this Moon Scout project:

1) a Silk-meditation, for which she uses soft silk from India;

2) a Tarot-reading, centered around your own problem solving capacity;

3) an eMMatrix-session, eXperience your balance through conversation.

All you have to do to win is answer this question:

What does “eXperience” mean to me?

You can apply till June 9th 2010. The winners will be notified through the email address supplied with the answer and the result will be published on NL.femaleXperience.com.

The Silk meditation will be held in Tilburg, the Netherlands between June 23-26 2010, the other two in Tilburg, the Netherlands, yet these are just as good an eXperience over Skype.

CLICK THIS LINK AND ADD YOUR ANSWER

Introducing Activities MoonScout May

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Tilburg, the Netherlands, Nachtburgemeester Cafe May 13th, 2010

...theme is eXperiencing female energy...

...on June 21st we'll have the Mirror of the Moon Goddess, on June 16th Megane the Movie and between May 27th till June 10th you can win one of three eXperiences...

...everything runs through this website...

Altiplano

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An amazing trailer of an amazing movie, in which the lives of two women who literally are worlds apart, become connected through a chain of events. Even although they grow into warriors, the feminine energy remains. One to Watch!

Trust and Surrender

As I felt I hadn’t been playing as full out as I could in my relationship – somehow I wasn’t completely genuine – I decided to experiment with trust and surrender, two of the basic characteristics of the feminine essence.

Like I said in other posts, feminine essence doesn’t mean “women only”. I like exploring my relationship with the feminine and masculine  characteristics, even the ones I think I don’t embody (and not even based on gender); I believe that the ability to which I can embrace these qualities in myself, allows me to understand them  in other people.

The eXperiment

The day before we leave on a weekend city trip, I ask my partner Graham to support me by not sharing where we are going, departure-times, gate numbers, etc. Directly after proposing this, I feel a familiar cringe in my solar plexus. All the more reason to follow through! Here’s what happened.

Day 1: This is easy!

I wake up and check in with myself. I feel a sense of relief not having the burden of paying attention to where we are going, and uplifted and happy about having the opportunity to just be present in the moment. At the bus stop I watch people walking by, a cat jumping out onto the road, the blue sky above. I catch myself trying to read the numbers on the approaching busses, and deliberately turn my back on the direction they are coming from. Graham nudges me for our bus and we hop on board. This is cool!

...in awe of the structures...

At the airport I look around and find myself in awe of the huge steel structures of the terminal building. An unfamiliar surge of energy suddenly runs up my spine. Like Alice in Wonderland I feel myself shrinking: I break out into a broad smile and turn into a little girl again. My adult mind registers an amazing freedom of responsibilities; I don’t have a care in the world. I want to skip and jump, to run around, I point enthusiastically at colourful adverts with butterflies. Everything is interesting and worth looking at. After about 10 minutes the feeling gradually disappears. During the flight I indulge in the memory of it and wonder why I ever was afraid to do this…

Is it really that easy?

Fresh through customs, I step straight back into controlling mode: we need to get a taxi, we need to get money, we need to… Graham just stands there and looks at me, silently. I repeat my words. Silence. I feel SO annoyed. Then it hits me: I am not surrendering! Let alone trusting that he will take care of everything… Shoot!

The same thing happens a couple of times during the afternoon; the habit is strong. Graham is marvellous in either pointing it out to me, or showing me through his body language that I am doing it again. I am really frustrated! With great effort I have been keeping my mouth shut over and over again, determined NOT to take the lead and allow Graham to be there for me! The things I do say are weighed carefully and judged harmless. Apparently they aren’t …

Day 1 results: No, not so easy after all

Over dinner Graham recounts the 9 times (in 6 hours) where I took over. Then he shares very frankly how hurtful that is for him as a man, this constant declaration of mistrust. He is there to serve, and perfectly capable of taking care of what is happening.

Silently adding the number of times I consciously kept my mouth shut, I am embarrassed to realize how often I do step in. I feel the fear of losing control roaring inside of me and my hands tremble.

Intellectually I know I can trust Graham completely. During our time I have been his girlfriend he has proven over and over and over again how capable – and willing – he is to take care of things, if I would only let him… We agree to start over the next day.

Day 2: Renewed commitment

Going down for breakfast I slip again, and yet again on our way out of the hotel. “Are you serious about this” Graham asks, “I am really starting to get annoyed!” I feel the tears burning behind my eyes as I re-commit. I have awareness now, it MUST become easier to do this! After biting off my tongue a couple of times, I decide to shift into acknowledging “taking-over” as soon as it happens. That creates some space. I start to understand what trusting really means: accepting that the other will be there to take care of things, even when they approach things their way (which by the way is all the f***ing time!); somehow that makes surrendering easier.

The next level

At the end of the afternoon, I feel something shift inside of me. It is as if a veil drops and a deeper reality reveals itself. I stop and sit down on a bench on the roadside. First I eXperience a sense of expanded awareness; then – almost instantaneously – I drop into a space in which I fully eXperience the moment. I have a clear sense of my intuitive guidance, am totally free and the potential of moving with whatever comes up right now is almost tangible. I  feel happy, free; free to be ME. Detachment of having to be in control also opens another space:  space to express whatever I want to express, whatever comes up.

...expanded awareness in the moment...

Day 3 and 4: BIG MAGIC

Over the next two days BIG MAGIC starts to happen. Instinctively I realize that all I have to do is take Grahams hand and follow along. In doing this, Graham and I start to flow together in a way that we have never done before. We don’t need words, we allow whatever is. He spots things, I spot things, he wants to look at the map, I admire the buildings, or the squirrel on the wires. I point out little details to him, that he says he would never have noticed otherwise. He gets me safely across the street when I get confused in all that traffic. Now we are BOTH having a richer experience. WOW!!!

At the end of day 4 Graham tells me how good he feels within himself to be called on like that. And how my surrendering over these past few days has allowed him to grow as a man. What a gift!

What I learned

One of my major learnings from this eXperiment was that in the end it had nothing to do with Graham at all. What it all boiled down to was that I wasn’t surrendering to me, because I didn’t trust myself. My controlling of the situation was based in my own insecurity; I was checking up on Graham out of fear, not out of interest, or my love of structure. I now know the difference. The question then is: what was I so afraid of?

I am still me

I found that my fear of letting go of control was based in another fear, a huge fear: the fear of losing my identity. And specifically the identity of the strong, independent woman with an I-don’t-need-anyone attitude. I have outlived this identity a long time ago, yet apparently it was still running the show. And as long as I had a sense of loss tied to this, it was very hard for me to even try it.

I now know that after the eXperiment I am more than I was before the experiment. Instead of having lost something, much more freedom has been ADDED, a freedom that is now readily available. Since I now have a reference to how it feels to be trusting and surrendering, I can tap into that feeling on a daily basis.

Surrendering to who I am at the deepest level also allows me to express more of me, as me! When I eXperienced that total trust inside of me, I couldn’t believe I had been afraid of it at all!

Waking up dormant parts

Through the eXperiment, I have re-awakened and embraced the energy of the carefree girl. Years ago I had put her to sleep, in a dorm to be precise. Cause guess what: “living in the moment” went to sleep as well that day, and that in turn sent “the magic of life” into hibernation!

...more alive with all your parts awake...

No wonder I was feeling empty, no wonder I couldn’t find my purpose. The carefree girl turns out to be an essential part of my inner core. And now she is back!

The polar opposite works as a catalyst

Having Graham there to support me on this quest has been immensely valuable. Even though in the end I realized it was all about me, I was able to fully open up and explore the dimensions of my femininity through the encompassing quality of his masculine energy. The polarity between the masculine force and the feminine force is an important catalyst to reach these results. So – although you don’t need a man to initiate this, eXperimenting within a context of polarity will allow the process to take off easier and return greater results – for both parties involved!

polarity acts as a catalyst

So, what is different now?

Does this mean I am now leaving everything to Graham? That I have given up making decisions, being independent, and follow along meekly?
Nope…

Do I never take control anymore, based on this?
Nope…

A month has passed since we went through this eXperiment, and as a result our relationship has shifted on several levels – and for the better.

First of all, Graham now knows that my “taking-over” has nothing to do with him; if I step in, he knows something is triggering my insecurity.

Secondly, with the reference for the new found freedom, I am now able to express my love of structure and making arrangements in a much more healthy way. Instead of sticking my nose in and demanding to know what is happening, we talk through our plans  and divide tasks between us. On the road, I now read signs for fun!

The third thing is not easy to describe. I have found that – through letting go of the need to control, of the fear that is - I actually am more in control of myself than before. I am more balanced, more relaxed, and have gained tremendous certainty in my day to day existence.

Now here’s a thought…

Gosh, I just had this interesting idea – what would happen if we would reverse roles and do another eXperiment? Graham exploring trusting and surrendering like this for a couple of days. That could be quite interesting. How about it, Graham?

You can eXperience this too

Which part do you need to wake up to come alive and feel the magic? I invite you to eXperience this for yourself. It is an amazing journey. What it requires is total honesty within yourself, and if you are planning to involve your partner, total honesty within the relationship. You have to be open enough to tell each other what is going on, without taking it personally.

Start with setting the parameters for the eXperiment, marking a clear beginning and ending. This is one of the prerequisites to make it work. Pick some days where you know you will have time to focus on yourself – or on each other. From the word go, start with surrendering to the situation. Give yourself time to get into this (or use the technique described in my post Learn how to eXperience the moment). Monitor your thoughts and feelings. Stick with the eXperiment for the whole of the agreed period. Allow it to unfold. Analyse the results and see what you have learned. Repeat as often as you like!

How will you know that you have hit bulls eye? When you surrender totally, you’ll drop into the full experience of the moment; that is your cue. And life will never be the same again…